The aspects of relationships couples don’t recognize

Opinions expressed by Digital Journal contributors are their own.

Why Debra Stangl and Richard Kepple believe most relationships are not broken, but are revealing what still needs work.

According to Debra Stangl and Richard Kepple, many relationship crises develop gradually rather than emerging overnight. They describe how conversations may become more difficult, affection may begin to feel conditional, and small arguments may take on the emotional weight of older, deeper issues. In their view, these patterns can eventually lead people to believe that the relationship itself is the problem.

That philosophy shapes Stangl and Kepple’s new book, High-Vibe Relationship, which presents relationships less as problems to manage and more as opportunities for emotional growth, conscious partnership, and change. Their High-Vibe System™ is built on their belief that most relationships are not failing because love has disappeared. Instead, Stangl and Kepple suggest that some couples may be struggling with unresolved issues, which they call the “gunk” that can quietly affect the connection.

Looking beneath the conflict

For 20 years, Stangl worked as a divorce attorney, watching couples repeat remarkably similar cycles of pain. She often saw people move from one marriage into another relationship that carried many of the same patterns and realized that many people were not simply choosing incompatible partners. They were unconsciously recreating familiar emotional dynamics that needed work.

After a life-changing event in Sedona in 1999, Stangl founded Sedona Soul Adventures in 2002 to focus on the needs of individuals and couples. Years later, Kepple arrived at the work from an entirely different world. His background included Silicon Valley startups, engineering, and consulting, before surviving a stroke that shifted his understanding of success, growth, and human connection. In their work at Sedona Soul Adventures, they combine years of research and experience with practical relationship tools for a more integrated approach to relationship growth. 

The emotional starvation couples miss

Stangl and Kepple believe that couples may unintentionally leave each other feeling emotionally unfulfilled even when both partners believe they are expressing love effectively. In their view, this can happen when partners do not recognize that people may experience love, appreciation, affection, emotions, and support differently.

“Love isn’t just about loving someone your way,” the Sedona Soul Adventures team explains. “It’s about understanding how your partner uniquely experiences love, appreciation, affection, safety, and care, and nurturing them in the way they want to be nurtured, which demonstrates to them that you love them.”

This perspective informs Stangl and Kepple’s interpretation of relationship dynamics. They suggest that struggles with intimacy may extend beyond the physical and may reflect deeper issues affecting a couple’s connection.

They similarly view communication problems as possible symptoms of underlying concerns rather than necessarily being the root cause. Under their approach, relationship work therefore involves examining what may lie beneath a recurring argument.

Relationships as a personal growth process

What makes their approach stand out is the way it bridges emotions with practical relationship work. Their retreats include wellness activities and relationship coaching in ways designed to feel grounded rather than abstract. Each retreat is custom-designed for each couple to meet their individual needs.

The larger message remains deeply hopeful. They do not view people as broken. Instead, they believe relationships act as mirrors that reveal deeper needs that still require attention.

Part of their work is based on the belief that many people settle too quickly for emotionally disconnected relationships because they assume deeper intimacy is no longer possible. Stangl and Kepple believe otherwise. For couples willing to confront the emotional “gunk” beneath recurring conflict, there is the possibility of relationships that feel emotionally safe and connected again.